Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Oh Braa Clement!

Clement who hereinafter in this blog would be referred to as Chiii, the name he so lovingly (in his very mind) christened me and my family decided to call him (without his knowledge of course) attends my church.

By 'happenstance' one Sunday, Chiii sat beside me in church and that marked the beginning of our rather unusual 'relationship'. On this particular Sunday, I was expressing myself in dance and song to my Lord for all he has done for me-only when you have been there and He's brought you out unscathed would you understand. I literally let myself go because I just couldn't believe that after all the wrongs I have done He still loves me (I'm a sucker for good Christian music). What I didn't realize at the time was that I was dancing much to the admiration of this certain brother beside me. Subsequent Sundays found me on the pew side by side with this young man, then I completely ruled out happenstance.

One day he worked up the courage to introduce himself as Clement, ask my name-I told him-and ask for my number, I was like "what's the harm? after all he is a church brother". Then the calls and the texts started coming in.
I call this 'relationship' unusual because somehow in the recesses of his mind he feels he is having a relationship with me (i know, right? how laughable). You are probably wondering how I can tell and have concluded that he thinks he is having a relationship with me, right? The correct thing to do here is explain but I will leave you with this...somehow I know these things *cool look*.I can just imagine him thinking he has scored a beautiful, modest and intelligent lady who take delight in the things of the Lord-complete package (yep, that's me...I dare to boast). Who gets those these days (sighing and shaking my small head)?...musings for another day I guess.
On Sundays when he sits in front of me he turns back to stare every 5 minutes causing everyone around me to wonder if he is exhibiting some early symptoms of some bird disease that's causing him to twist his neck. And then after service he doesn't even as much as say hi. When he does say hi, he says it without even looking at me and then hurries off before I respond. In the evening he would send a text saying 'you are beautiful, kind and humble and I love you'. How does even he know??? He doesn't freaking talk to me!

Find here below a typical call from Chiii. Fyi Chiii speaks with an igbo accent.

Chiii: hello...o my beloved

Me: hello (in the driest voice ever-even the Sahara would be envious)

Chiii: How are you today?

Me: Fine (sighing dryly)

Chiii: Good. So are you coming to church on Sunday? (what kind of a question is that,why not?)

Me: (just for kicks) No.

Chiii: Ha! Try to be there o... (this his exclamation 'o' sounds exactly like that of Amechi Muonagor in his palm wine tapper element in one of his village scenes)

Me: Ok.

Chiii: Ok, good. See you in church on Sunday o.('o' again?)

Me: Ok.

Chiii: Ok, well done (well done???huh?!really?for what? u give me yam pound?)

Me: Bye.

Chiii: Bye my beloved. I love you. (the 'i love you' is barely audible).

Me: eh? (like a village woman with no evidence of schooling)

Chiii: I love you.

Dial tone...

Believe me the calls ALWAYS go like this. Oh well...what did i really expect from a guy who wears white pants and lemon green short-sleeve shirt-all tucked in-to church on Sunday.


  1. very funny..totally loves it darl...

  2. lol. Very interesting! least, I eventually earned a column on your blog spot.

    From me
    - Chi-e


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