Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Note to Self.

Hey Me,

Here are a few things you might want to consider before walking out of the house dramatically to stew just because someone made some remarks at your expense in a desperate attempt to be funny (I should have known she did not mean any ill/evil/hurt/pain/harm**snort**).

1. Have a plan. Not just some random idea. A real plan, well thought out with a destination, an activity, participants, a purpose...anything and also some cash or even an ATM card for the very-highly-possible likely desire to splurge (retail therapy) just because you feel bad. You know... Just. In. Case.

2. Have some friends you can call and go by their house to gossip or 'whateverrr' to escape that ever-threatening presence of self-pity lurking, waiting for the slightest opportunity to surface and make you feel like the whole world has conspired against you.

In lieu of 2;

3. When you decide you have plan and that plan has to be some grooming activity, make sure it is not one you would regret like deciding on a whim to polish your toenails by 7pm (too many factors to consider). If you decide that nail polishing by 7pm it is, then at least go to a self-respecting stylist in a proper salon, in a building  with lights, chairs, assistants, the works... Not the roadside lady whose only assistant is her 7-year old (I-too-know, ITK for short, over-sabi daughter, the kind that just talks too much and does not know when to shut it around adults, yes those very type that irritate you...yea you know them!) and only source of illumination is her cell phone in her mouth.

4. Remember not to be a pain in the 'bah-hind'. Like sitting around the roadside nails' lady-because you don't want to go home just yet and don't have anywhere else to go and also want everyone at home to get their panties in a twist over your whereabouts-inconveniencing her who clearly is eager to get home (she's done with you and it's past 8pm for heaven's sake) is being downright plaguey.

P.S. Self, beware of men old enough to be your father in danfo buses  who hit on young girls and use the word adamant to describe your silent treatment of them.

                                                                                                                                        Yours truly,

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

You geddit...?

There are so many things I wanna blog about but I have just (not quite just **rolling eyes**) realized that it is not easy sharing the most intimate workings/details of my mind/life...ups, downs, whirls, swirls, spins, purls, turns, twists, (OK...STOP!!!...enough already) of my life with someone else albeit friends. You geddit?

**Deep breath** I feel terrible this morning, I just wanna curl up and have me a good cry (meanwhile did I mention I love to cry?) but that's not gonna happen soon. Maybe past 6pm if the urge is still there I'd indulge. EVERYTHING is hitting on me like a ton of bricks at the moment. Maybe it's because I was told yesterday by my male cousins over a game of X-box soccer in their "relationship expert mode" (which by the way is the very annoying we-know-everything-about-girls-and-wonder-why-you-don't-come-talk-to-us-about-guys-cause-we-are-guys-and-we-know-how-we-do 'tude but lemme add subtly that none of them have any girlfriends) that I lost something good in some past guy (no names :p). Maybe it's because of the deplorable state of my finances...which I can't help but keep running into expenses (with the frequency of one with a really bad case of incontinence). Maybe it's because I'm about to end this shittiness (why on earth should that depress me??? I'm supposed to be rock concert-flashing boobs-drinking alchy crazy happy). Or maybe it's because I feel lost :(.
Oh well...there are too many maybes I can't share, reason?...please refer to paragraph one.

But I need to remind myself here, now, on this page, in this blog entry dated...see above, that He has said His Word will be a lamp to my  feet and a light to my path. So now I know I don't need a 300watt bulb or a head lamp or FBI, CIA, KGB, MI6 tactical team-type night vision goggles to see where I'm going. I just need a hurricane lamp hand-held close to my feet to light the trail on which I'm treading and trust Him completely to guide me through the darkness that lies beyond my vision ;).

You geddit?

P.S Been trying to add my signature to this entry like I did my prior entries but it's showing me all sorta error messages like I got the first two by a stroke of luck which I really need like NOW.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Oh Braa Clement!

Clement who hereinafter in this blog would be referred to as Chiii, the name he so lovingly (in his very mind) christened me and my family decided to call him (without his knowledge of course) attends my church.

By 'happenstance' one Sunday, Chiii sat beside me in church and that marked the beginning of our rather unusual 'relationship'. On this particular Sunday, I was expressing myself in dance and song to my Lord for all he has done for me-only when you have been there and He's brought you out unscathed would you understand. I literally let myself go because I just couldn't believe that after all the wrongs I have done He still loves me (I'm a sucker for good Christian music). What I didn't realize at the time was that I was dancing much to the admiration of this certain brother beside me. Subsequent Sundays found me on the pew side by side with this young man, then I completely ruled out happenstance.

One day he worked up the courage to introduce himself as Clement, ask my name-I told him-and ask for my number, I was like "what's the harm? after all he is a church brother". Then the calls and the texts started coming in.
I call this 'relationship' unusual because somehow in the recesses of his mind he feels he is having a relationship with me (i know, right? how laughable). You are probably wondering how I can tell and have concluded that he thinks he is having a relationship with me, right? The correct thing to do here is explain but I will leave you with this...somehow I know these things *cool look*.I can just imagine him thinking he has scored a beautiful, modest and intelligent lady who take delight in the things of the Lord-complete package (yep, that's me...I dare to boast). Who gets those these days (sighing and shaking my small head)?...musings for another day I guess.
On Sundays when he sits in front of me he turns back to stare every 5 minutes causing everyone around me to wonder if he is exhibiting some early symptoms of some bird disease that's causing him to twist his neck. And then after service he doesn't even as much as say hi. When he does say hi, he says it without even looking at me and then hurries off before I respond. In the evening he would send a text saying 'you are beautiful, kind and humble and I love you'. How does even he know??? He doesn't freaking talk to me!

Find here below a typical call from Chiii. Fyi Chiii speaks with an igbo accent.

Chiii: hello...o my beloved

Me: hello (in the driest voice ever-even the Sahara would be envious)

Chiii: How are you today?

Me: Fine (sighing dryly)

Chiii: Good. So are you coming to church on Sunday? (what kind of a question is that,why not?)

Me: (just for kicks) No.

Chiii: Ha! Try to be there o... (this his exclamation 'o' sounds exactly like that of Amechi Muonagor in his palm wine tapper element in one of his village scenes)

Me: Ok.

Chiii: Ok, good. See you in church on Sunday o.('o' again?)

Me: Ok.

Chiii: Ok, well done (well done???huh?!really?for what? u give me yam pound?)

Me: Bye.

Chiii: Bye my beloved. I love you. (the 'i love you' is barely audible).

Me: eh? (like a village woman with no evidence of schooling)

Chiii: I love you.

Dial tone...

Believe me the calls ALWAYS go like this. Oh well...what did i really expect from a guy who wears white pants and lemon green short-sleeve shirt-all tucked in-to church on Sunday.

Friday, July 2, 2010

On this very day...

YAY!!! Finally got round to it, taking my musings to another level. I hope I can...

With so much stuff running through my mind; my project being no where near started and a deadline for submission might be out soon, my job is so shitty it literally saps my joy, my bills are coming in faster than my pay...arrgghh ( I really want to SCREAM!) *edited*. These questions and a lot more stupid ones keep swirling in my head. This just brings me to the conclusion that I am indeed a very irresponsible fellow.
I have tthinngggsssss to worry about, so many in fact. And here I am daydreaming about a guy who for all I care sees me as a 'friend'.
I guess I'd just have to keep waiting for that Special One (not Mourinho). In the meantime, I'd ask for God's grace and handle my biz...
Meanwhile, today is Friday and my girl and I are planning to do some serious karaoke damage tonight. Not like I can sing (I really wish I could tho'), its a big deal for me to sing an entire song without sounding like I'm being asphyxiated. The good thing is I'm way better than my friend who is clearly tone deaf...I digress.What beats me tho' is how I can't always sound as I sound in the shower because the best of my vocals are always birthed there. I do my best Keyshia Cole, Christina Aguilera, Beyonce and Mariah Carey (yep, you read right and yes i dare) impressions right there in the shower.

Countdown to singing time...fingers crossed.

Not bad for a virgin i dare say.