Psst!!!

Hey guys,

It’s only been a minute! That’s bloggerspeak for the five years I’ve been MIA. But I lie. This is wayyyyy more than a minute. I know, I know, I ought to be ashamed of myself.

I should hang my head in shame.

I should bury my head in the sand.

I should whip myself from now till next Friday.

I should rend my garments and sit in ashes.

I should change planets! 

A lot has happened to me since I last logged in here. Enough to moan about trust me.  I have lost people close to me. Losses I never imagined I would ever experience in my lifetime. Especially because I thought these people would live forever. Funny thought yes, weird maybe, but it’s true. Nothing ever prepares you to lose someone.  People say time heals all wounds, it doesn’t. The pain remains there. It becomes a dull ache in the chest that makes even breathing difficult. The vacuum is never filled.  I am not able to moan about it here now, maybe in a later post.

In the last five years though…

I have changed jobs twice… Surprise, surprise.

Moved into a flat with my siblings… Now I’m forced to adult.

I have ‘bagged’ a second degree… In real life I never use the term bagged in this context.

Changed churches thrice… More like locations. Not quite hit the church prostitute status but I bet some of y’all think I’m close.

Joined a ministry in church and then left the church… I taught the kids and realised just how hard it is especially because kids never really ‘take’ to me.

Gone natural with my hair… I promise you, I started this out of curiosity. Only to discover it is a fad now, they have meet-ups (you don’t call them meetings now) and pop-ups and nazis. 

 

Seen blogging become a big time money maker and wondered why I had to lose my own mojo… I mean.

Decided to try the fit life… I’m dying to have a six-pack.

Joined Instagram… One would imagine that my ‘success’ or lack thereof with Facebook and Twitter and all the others I have joined would make me stay in my lane.

Been in two and a half relationships… Yes that happened to this single girl.

My life has pretty much been beige paint but if you are still interested in reading about it then leggo!

Here’s to wishing this IGG (initial gra gra) does not just end here… *clink glasses*

Imponderables...

** Singing** (doing my best Fantasia Barrino impression)

                                       He loves me
                                He loves me me me me
                                     He really loves me... (till fade)

I'm a terrible song writer (zilch creativity).

The message I hope, is clear. God really loves me. Here I am, first day of the month, beginning of August, my birth month (WOW-I should be planning my 25th birthday gig...oops no job).
So here I am, about to turn 25 in a few days, musing about everything (even those I choose not to mention): no job, where do I go from here, is my life going to change, is it going to be a downward spiral or upward shoot, how is it going to change, am I still going to be able to make long distance calls-yes I make them sometimes even if you wonder to who, what habits am I going to drop, which new ones am I going to pick up, do I have to change my soap, no more island-mainland shuttle which brings me to ask how am I going to cope without my trusty Red Oak plantain chips; onion and ginger flavour (they have drastically reduced the size-its annoying!!!), can I afford my friend's asoebi, will I continue the not-so-regular-at-all sending of airtime to my only brother aka Lil' bro aka my one and only love, aka 'izzle, how long am I going to piggy-back off Sparkle (aka only sister aka benevolent benefactor aka big sis), can I afford to go whenever; karaoke-ing, wine tasting, checking out new spots, am I going to get/need new friends, will my old friends remain...

Through all of these musings I can see God's promise of love trying to push its way to the fore (why don't I just give this complaining a break?)
I am thankful for a lot of things: I am alive. I am healthy. My family is fine. I can eat. I can walk. I can sing (whoever eat your heart out). I spoke to my mum yesterday and will speak to her again today. I will call my Dad. 'izzle called me this morning. Sparkle will help me if I ask, I have Foxy aka BFF since uni, I have few wonderful friends I'm sure I can always call (or time and meet up on yahoo messenger-it is cheaper, I have to consider cheaper alternatives now) to unload and they would listen, I have family members to tease me and crack me up, I have cousins to show me up/embarrass me on facebook or when I have visitors around. I have youtube funny videos to laugh at. I can even laugh. I understand humour. I possess the mental ability to process info that causes me to either cry or laugh or nag or complain or moan or pray or vomit or spit (I do this only when I'm brushing or something flies into my mouth) or like or dislike or love. I am also going to turn the big 2-5. I will not change my soap...
OMG I just realised the list of things I should be thankful of/for is endless.


I just hope my sincere heartfelt 'father thank you' would suffice.

And yes if you are wondering why Fantasia? I think with her kind of voice she'd make a terrific gospel singer and 'phbbbt' I can't even do a Fantasia Barrino impression. She is like totally AWESOME!

P.S Please how do I make Collectibles stop sending me text messages?

Note to Self.

Hey Me,

Here are a few things you might want to consider before walking out of the house dramatically to stew just because someone made some remarks at your expense in a desperate attempt to be funny (I should have known she did not mean any ill/evil/hurt/pain/harm**snort**).

1. Have a plan. Not just some random idea. A real plan, well thought out with a destination, an activity, participants, a purpose...anything and also some cash or even an ATM card for the very-highly-possible likely desire to splurge (retail therapy) just because you feel bad. You know... Just. In. Case.

2. Have some friends you can call and go by their house to gossip or 'whateverrr' to escape that ever-threatening presence of self-pity lurking, waiting for the slightest opportunity to surface and make you feel like the whole world has conspired against you.

In lieu of 2;

3. When you decide you have plan and that plan has to be some grooming activity, make sure it is not one you would regret like deciding on a whim to polish your toenails by 7pm (too many factors to consider). If you decide that nail polishing by 7pm it is, then at least go to a self-respecting stylist in a proper salon, in a building  with lights, chairs, assistants, the works... Not the roadside lady whose only assistant is her 7-year old (I-too-know, ITK for short, over-sabi daughter, the kind that just talks too much and does not know when to shut it around adults, yes those very type that irritate you...yea you know them!) and only source of illumination is her cell phone in her mouth.

4. Remember not to be a pain in the 'bah-hind'. Like sitting around the roadside nails' lady-because you don't want to go home just yet and don't have anywhere else to go and also want everyone at home to get their panties in a twist over your whereabouts-inconveniencing her who clearly is eager to get home (she's done with you and it's past 8pm for heaven's sake) is being downright plaguey.

P.S. Self, beware of men old enough to be your father in danfo buses  who hit on young girls and use the word adamant to describe your silent treatment of them.

                                                                                                                                        Yours truly,

                                                                                                                                

You geddit...?

There are so many things I wanna blog about but I have just (not quite just **rolling eyes**) realized that it is not easy sharing the most intimate workings/details of my mind/life...ups, downs, whirls, swirls, spins, purls, turns, twists, (OK...STOP!!!...enough already) of my life with someone else albeit friends. You geddit?

**Deep breath** I feel terrible this morning, I just wanna curl up and have me a good cry (meanwhile did I mention I love to cry?) but that's not gonna happen soon. Maybe past 6pm if the urge is still there I'd indulge. EVERYTHING is hitting on me like a ton of bricks at the moment. Maybe it's because I was told yesterday by my male cousins over a game of X-box soccer in their "relationship expert mode" (which by the way is the very annoying we-know-everything-about-girls-and-wonder-why-you-don't-come-talk-to-us-about-guys-cause-we-are-guys-and-we-know-how-we-do 'tude but lemme add subtly that none of them have any girlfriends) that I lost something good in some past guy (no names :p). Maybe it's because of the deplorable state of my finances...which I can't help but keep running into expenses (with the frequency of one with a really bad case of incontinence). Maybe it's because I'm about to end this shittiness (why on earth should that depress me??? I'm supposed to be rock concert-flashing boobs-drinking alchy crazy happy). Or maybe it's because I feel lost :(.
Oh well...there are too many maybes I can't share, reason?...please refer to paragraph one.

But I need to remind myself here, now, on this page, in this blog entry dated...see above, that He has said His Word will be a lamp to my  feet and a light to my path. So now I know I don't need a 300watt bulb or a head lamp or FBI, CIA, KGB, MI6 tactical team-type night vision goggles to see where I'm going. I just need a hurricane lamp hand-held close to my feet to light the trail on which I'm treading and trust Him completely to guide me through the darkness that lies beyond my vision ;).

You geddit?

P.S Been trying to add my signature to this entry like I did my prior entries but it's showing me all sorta error messages like I got the first two by a stroke of luck which I really need like NOW.